Continuing our study in Paul’s Epistle to the Colossians, a new paragraph begins in Colossians 3:18-4:1. The truth of what believers “are” in Christ is to be balanced by how believers are to live for Christ. The practical truth of Jesus Christ as the only and all-sufficient Savior, and as sole source of the believers’ life, is now applied to specific groups and situations. What people groups does the Apostle Paul, and the Holy Spirit, have in mind?
Primarily, they were thinking of household groups. What we have in this extended biblical section is a kind of “catalogue of household responsibilities.” Even non-Christian moralists advocate mores of domestic, blissful behavior. Sometimes, Christians opt for secular advice rather than the word of God regarding family life. However, Paul was not adding to unbiblical opinions or philosophies. The apostle was not sugar-coating domestic relationships with a thin veneer of merely adding “in Christ”—which completely misses the point.
Between these pithy directives presented here in Colossians—also in Eph. 5:22–6:9; 1 Tim. 2:8–15; 6:1, 2; Titus 2:1–10; 1 Peter 2:12–3:7—and the maxims of the Stoics and other first century Greek moral philosophers, there is a superficial resemblance. Yet, there are at least three main differences.
First, biblical Christianity supplies the power to carry out the commands. The power being the grace of God (Titus 2:1–10, then verse 11; cf. Phil. 4:13), and the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit (Romans 8:1-9; I Cor. 6:919-20). All other moral philosophies, even the very best of them, are vehicles lacking these engines.
Second, biblical Christianity also supplies a new purpose. The goal was/is not simply to try to live in harmony with Nature. Rather, believers in Christ are “to do everything to the glory of God” (1 Cor. 10:31). Or, to do all “in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him,” (Col. 3:17). The only proper way to explain Col. 3:18–4:1 is in light of Col. 3:5-17 and the emphasis on godly behavior, speech and attitudes.
Finally, biblical Christianity supplies the only true pattern for God-glorifying behavior and conduct by the very household groups Paul discussed: wives and their husbands, children and their fathers, servants and their masters. “Christ himself, as the bridegroom, in his matchless love for the church, his bride, furnished the standard for the love of Christian marriage (Eph. 5:22-33),” explains Dr. William Hendriksen.
Let’s begin with the wife. “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” A wife (γυναῖκες (gynaikes) is to submit to her husband. To submit (ὑποτάσσεσθε (hypotassesthe) means a wife is to presently, personally, and obediently have a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden in their marriage. Submission means being responsible to and responsible for one’s own husband.
Ephesians 5:22–24 (ESV) – “22 Wives, submit to your own husbands,as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”
The biblical text continues to say this is fitting (ἀνῆκεν (aneken), The wife’s submission in her marriage is to continually, actively and personally do what is proper, right, and correct in the Lord’s perspective.
What about husbands? “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” To love (ἀγαπᾶτε (agapate) means to presently, actively and obediently display concern and a self-sacrificial love of the will. This sacrificial spirit goes beyond the emotions of the moment. Rather, it is a resolution of the will for a lifetime.
To not be harsh (Πικραίνεσθε (pikrainesthe) means to presently and obediently not make one’s wife bitter, resentful and hateful towards you. Harshness is the spirit the husband is “not” to create within his wife. The fruit of the Spirit should dominate the husband in this relationship (Gal: 5:22-23).
Then we have the children. “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” Children (tέκνα; tekna) are their parent’s offspring. To obey (ὑπακούετε (hypakouete) means to presently, actively and obediently pay attention to, comply and submit to mom and dad. Parents (γονεῦσιν (goneusin) are biological or legal guardians.
This spirit of obedience is to be in everything (Iάντα; panta). This refers to every kind of situation and circumstance, which coincides with godly behavior. The reason for obedience to this command is because it pleases (εὐάρεστόν; euareston) or is acceptable before the Lord.
What is the parent’s responsibility with their children? “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” Fathers (Πατέρες ;pateres) are the leaders of the family (Eph. 6:1-2). To not provoke (ἐρεθίζετε; erethizete) means to presently, actively and obediently not make children bitter or resentful. In other words, to not provoke them to wrath or resentment. Otherwise, children may become discouraged (ἀθυμῶσιν; athymosin) or actively disheartened. The word literally means to lose energy or passion. Discouraged children lose hope, stop trying, and give up. They don’t care.
“It is tempting to blame children for our family problems. But Scripture does not allow us to do this. Children bear the responsibility to obey their parents. But God commands parents to raise their children with godly nurture, being careful not to frustrate them. Inestimable damage is done by parents who provoke their children, and cause them to become discouraged,” explains Pastor William Boekestein.
“While specifically addressing fathers in Colossians 3:21, God is speaking to both parents. The word translated; “fathers” is elsewhere used to mean “parents” (Heb. 11:23). Additionally, fathers are spoken to as covenant heads of the families. Fathers are to see that neither parent provokes the children. Fathers cannot stand idly by if their children are being provoked by their mothers.”
Pray for your family and the relationships therein. May the Lord bless the obedience of all family members: young and older, wives and husbands, parents and children. May the Lord’s truth and grace be found here.
Soli deo Gloria!
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